The Secret Sacrifice
by Dbztron2
Summary: He was just a normal human to his friends, family, and everyone else. They couldn't know, they wouldn't. That first night still haunts him, the one when he gained this secret, but he refuses to question it anymore. He is alone because he chose to be, not because people rejected him. How could they when they didn't even know he wasn't human anymore. Jinchuuriki!Shikadai.
1. Chapter 1

_Why…_

 _Why…_

 _Why…_

Sleep evaded him as fear seeped into his every cell. He curled into himself as the full moon cast the full force of its glow on him. He shuddered in pain. There were whispers in his head, whispers of evil thing that weren't there before.

Was it that nice old man? No, this voice was different, it was _in his head._

Besides that the old man was sitting beside him with a smile… or maybe smile was the wrong word. Grin was probably better. Yes, a grin, a scary grin that made the nice old man not look so nice anymore.

 _Why…_

 _Why…_

 _Why…_

Why wasn't his voice working? What was going on?

He looked over at the old man, the man who had found him when he was lost and said he worked for his uncle Gaara. The old man seemed nice enough, said he would contact his family, so he went with the man.

Was that a mistake? How long had it been since he had gotten separated from his mother and father? They must be worried about him.

 _Why…_

 _Why…_

 _Why…_

Why was it so warm? It felt like some kind of energy was being poured into him, so strong and fast it felt like his body might be pulled apart by the force of the chakra. And what was that glowing around him?

He gasped. It was black now and he couldn't see anything except a large sandy raccoon type thing that was far larger than he was.

 _Why…_

 _Why…_

 _Why…_

Why was it glaring at him? What was it complaining about being 'sealed in another brat'? He didn't understand. He didn't, couldn't…

* * *

He shook his head out of the memory as the teacher called on him. Reflecting on that first night wouldn't help him at all. He just had to focus on what was going on now. Had to so he would keep control and no one would find out what he was. His family, friends, everyone…

As far as anyone else was concerned he was just Shikadai Nara. Son of Temari and Shikamaru and nephew to the Kazekage Gaara. They would never know he was the new jinchuuriki to the one tailed beast because as far as they were concerned he wasn't. He was just a plain human going to school to become a ninja like his parents.

No use in asking why anymore. He had long since learned there were no answers left behind.

* * *

 **So this is an idea I've had for a while now. It took me a while but I finally got the wording the way I like it. I would love to know what you think. Good, bad? Should I continue this or leave it as a one-shot? If I make it longer about how long? Two-shot, three-shot, ten chapters, more?**

 **Anyway thanks for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

_No…_

 _No…_

 _No…_

Please no… This couldn't be happening to him. Please let the old man be lying. There was no way this was true, it wasn't possible. Sure he was related to Gaara, the man was his uncle, but that wasn't a close enough relation to make this possible, was it?

He still couldn't speak, couldn't voice his thoughts or questions. And the man was being so vague about everything. He was smart sure, but he was still only five years old! And yet…

 _No…_

 _No…_

 _No…_

The man had to be lying. This wasn't possible. But then, he had seen the beast with his own eyes and could feel it within him. A burning, painful thing that whispered bad things in his head. Tears flowed down his face.

 _No…_

 _No…_

 _No…_

He wasn't alone. That wasn't possible when he had his uncles, and his mom, and his dad who all loved him. Not to mention all of their friends.

But he had also heard the stories about how his mother acted toward his uncle Gaara when they were young… And how freaked out his father had been. Then there were the villagers… And according to the stories he had heard about the Lord Hokage Naruto, who had a similar childhood to his uncle, Konoha was about the same as Suna when it came to this sort of thing so…. _So…._

* * *

So he was alone. He learned that quickly, even if no one treated him differently, he was still alone. No one knew, he made sure of that to protect himself, so while they all still cared ignorantly for him he was alone with the secret. But it was a loneliness he could handle.

He knew how people had treated past jinchuuriki, and while things might be a little different now he was taking no chances. He knew how his family and their friends had once treated his uncle while Gaara held this beast, and how would Gaara react if he found out? Poorly no doubt.

He may have only been five when it happened, but he was still old enough he could have prevented this. His uncle became like this before birth and couldn't prevent it, so he had an excuse for not stopping it. And besides, his uncle managed to remove the beast from himself, and became Kazekage.

All he could manage was to keep a hold on the beast so no one would know about it and pass his classes at school. He was nothing, at least not in comparison to his uncle...

* * *

 **So, due to a friends pestering I decided this will be continued. I do have a plan for how this will go, it'll probably be about fifteen to twenty chapters give or take, but I am open to new ideas. I'll probably do one more chapter with a flashback and a little bit of present time, then I'll start writing almost entirely present time and explain more of how Shikadai keeps his secret and how he feels around his family with the secret, especially how he feels around Gaara. Later in the story I will go back to these flashbacks and make them more detailed and have them start to make more sense.**

 **Anyway, thanks for reading! Let me know what you think, what you might want to see later on, etc..**


	3. Chapter 3

_Silence…_

There was nothing left in him. No tears, no questions. Just the occasional whisperings of Shukaku. He had no energy left of his own, couldn't make a sound himself.

 _Silence…_

At least with the quietness of his own mind he could think, plan. He was a Nara after all, he was smart. He would get through this.

 _Silence…_

The old man had long since left him alone after carrying him to an abandoned street in Suna. Either his family or ANBU that his uncle would no doubt send out after him would find him eventually. The street was quiet in the night, and cold. But he barely registered the cold, his beast made sure to keep him warm.

 _Silen- Thump…_

His heart picked up as a thought crossed his mind. His family… They couldn't know…

 _Thump Thump…_

Suddenly it wasn't so quiet as he listened to his heart beat frantically. How would they treat him if they found out what he was? The old man had mentioned that the seal was still new and strong enough that no one would sense the beasts energy for the first month so he wouldn't have to worry too much about the beasts influence for at least that time. But after that?

 _Thump Thump…_

No, calm down. He was already reading at an adult level. He could do research and figure this out. He could hide this power. He would be safe, they didn't need to know. They wouldn't.

 _Silence…_

His heart slowed and he calmed down. It was quiet again, because he would be alright. Alone with a huge secret, but alright.

* * *

And he was. He had only cried once since that day, and he didn't question any of it anymore. Life went on, his family was still in the dark about what he was and they didn't question him. To them he was just an average child on his way to becoming a ninja.

He would remain calm, and if he was calm then so was the beast. He didn't sleep anymore, but that was alright, meditation helped greatly with that. He spent time with his friends, ate dinner with his family, trained with his team, then spent the rest of his time alone in his room.

Sometimes he wished he could do more, go above and beyond what he did now. But he couldn't risk getting caught. So he did things as average as possible, and for him that was just fine.

At least for now...

* * *

 **Alright, two chapters in a day! I hopefully I can keep this up, but from here I think I'm going to just write about Shikadai in present time, so the chapters will probably get a little longer from here. (Also I'm planning on putting in some fluffy Uncle Gaara moments here soon, so look forward to that!)**

 **So this chapter ended on a somewhat peaceful note, Shikadai is content (but not happy) with his life as it is even with the secret. I'll start explaining how he's been keeping the secret in more detail soon and he's also going to have to deal with the secret more fully in coming chapters.**

 **Thanks again for reading! Let me know what you think in a review, feed back is amazing!**


	4. Chapter 4

He cared about his uncle Gaara, he did. He respected the man for surviving this thing throughout his whole childhood with everyone knowing and fearing him. But Shikadai also hated his uncle, at least when he was in his line of sight or when he heard the man speak.

Seeing and hearing the man made his beast, the beast that was once his uncles, stir. The beast knew the man and seemed to like him. And his beast always seemed to want to chat with the red headed Kazekage.

That was a problem that couldn't be allowed. He had sacrificed so much to keep this secret for it to be blown just so the damn raccoon dog could say hi to his uncle. When his uncle came around he made sure to make the encounters as brief as possible and he kept to his room if his uncle was visiting him. If they were in Suna, he went on long tours of the village with a guide as an excuse to be away from his uncle.

He could see it hurt the man, and he really _really_ didn't want to hurt him, but what other choice did he have? If the beast didn't get so riled up at just a glance or a word from the man he wouldn't have to do this. But it did, so he kept a distance.

His uncle could deal with it, because Shikadai knew if his uncle knew he was jinchuuriki now then the man would be far more hurt than he was just by the avoidance.

Yes, avoidance was just the better of the two evils for the moment.

Unfortunately as he got older, and his uncle didn't seem like he was going to marry any time soon or have kids of his own, Shikadai was forced to go to Suna more often in case he had to become Kazekage one day. And he learned under his uncle, meaning more time with the man.

It was uncomfortable to say the least.

His uncle tried to get on better terms with him, but he only ever gave his uncle the bare minimum. And it hurt both of them greatly, because his uncle didn't know why he was getting the cold shoulder, and Shikadai really did adore his uncle.

Some days he considered just telling his uncle and hoping for the best, and beg his uncle to keep his secret, because maybe his uncle would still accept and love him. He wouldn't have to keep hurting himself or his uncle like this. But then he'd consider all the possible ways that it would backfire if he did that, all the negative points and he would chicken out.

What if his uncle told his parents?

Or those old council members?

He wasn't all powerful. If others found out what if Shikadai ended up a weapon fought over by the villages and Uncle Gaara couldn't stop the old council members?

Or worse, what if his uncle did reject him? What if his parents found out and rejected him?

Shikadai didn't think he'd survive if his uncle or parents rejected him for this. So he kept his trap shut.

Even this false feeling love is better than rejection. False because how could the love he was getting now be true if his family didn't know what he truly was? They loved a shadow of what he once was, years ago, before his fifth birthday. They loved the _human_ Shikadai.

But he wasn't human anymore, he was jinchuuriki. He was a secret, one only he knew about because his human self was long gone, sacrificed by an old man he didn't even know the name of but couldn't seem to forget.

* * *

He growled as he let his eyes pop open and cursed his Nara mind for thinking things over so often and in such detail. He didn't want to think right now. Of course he couldn't sleep either, which is what he wanted to do.

It was a full moon in Suna and these thoughts were only stressing him out.

A full moon and lack of sleep in Konoha was bad, but in Suna? He was treading on thin ice, Suna made the beast angrier. If he fell asleep now he might lose his grip, and if he kept up these thoughts he might lose his grip.

He just had to calm down, keep a level head, and hope his uncle didn't notice how tired he was in the morning when the moon sets...

* * *

 **Okay so I'm hoping the story will pick up from here. Things are starting to get set up well and Shikadai doesn't know how he should feel or act around his uncle with good reason.**

 **Thanks for reading let me know what you think and hopefully I can put more up soon!**


	5. Chapter 5

There it was again, that disappointed look he hated so much. That look that appeared every time his uncle tried to reach out to him, to try and bond with him, and he turned the man down.

They had just finished with lessons and diplomatic issues, (finished with the reasons Shikadai had been sent here for three months by himself so he could learn the ropes of being Kazekage in the event he had to take over if his uncles died without having their own children), and his uncle had a free hour which he had wanted to spend with Shikadai, only for Shikadai to turn him down stating he was tired and would prefer to take a nap.

"It's been a long day don't you think? You should use your free time to rest yourself, you look like you need it."

"Oh, I'm fine. But I really don't get to see you enough outside of these lessons. Why don't we go sand surfing? You use to love that."

He did love it, before the beast was put in him. Now it was just painful to ride on sand with his uncle, and he couldn't tell his uncle he could ride his own sand along side him without revealing what he was now. Looks like he would have to be harsher.

"When I was like four. I'm not interested in that anymore. Besides, even if you're not tired, I am. I'm going to turn in early, see you tomorrow." And with that, his uncle's face twisted ever so slightly to reflect that disappointment, and he turned to head back to his room fast enough his uncle couldn't get in another word.

* * *

As soon as he entered his room a cold gust of air greeted him from the window he had forgotten to close. He glared at it as he slammed the door behind him, as if the window had somehow offended him personally.

Stomping over to it he slammed the window shut as well, and glared out at the sky. There was still a bit of daylight left, but the moon had already partly risen and he could see that tomorrow night, if not then the night following, would be a full moon.

'Well that explains a few things…' He thought.

The beast had been chatty all day, more so than normal. It was really getting on his nerves, and he knew there was no way his uncle was the only cause. Sometimes the moon just being close to full was enough to set the beast rambling about evil things for hours on end. And when the beast got to talking louder than the normal whisper, it was much harder to ignore and he got annoyed much easier.

Sighing, he decided he should probably shower before bed, and he started to remove his shirt. Their was a full bathroom attached to his room, but the laundry hamper was built into the wall of his room and he found it annoying to leave his dirty clothes on the bathroom floor so he typically undressed before enter the bathroom.

Tossing the shirt in the hamper he started to work on his pants, and frowned at the sight of his upper belly where his seal was. Something that was only visible to the person who put it there, himself, other jinchuuriki, and those who have the chakra of a beast in them even if they aren't full jinchuuriki themselves. That he knew of there were only three people still alive that would be able to see it, all jinchuuriki. Himself, Naruto, and Killer Bee. Naruto was Hokage and to bust for his own son, let alone him, and he had never even met Killer Bee, so he knew he was safe in the respect that no one would ever see the seal and figure him out through that.

The seal was a simple one to start with which is why he only had a month at the beginning where no one could sense the beast. He knew if he tried to remove it and or the beast that he would die, so he did some research and managed to simply increase the power of the seal, containing the monster further within his mind scape, therefor hiding the beast's power without to much effort. Now his biggest problems were the moon, how chatty the beast could be, his uncle, his lack of sleep, and his own sand powers he was still learning to control.

So long as he was by himself during a full moon, his uncle did drive the beast to mad, he didn't go mad do the the beasts chattiness, and no one saw him practice with his sand he was alright. It had been about seven years now, and all was going okay so far. He might just live his whole life without people ever knowing he's jinchuuriki. Well, so long as he didn't have children, their birthmarks that would come from have a jinchuuriki as a parent would be like a glowing neon sign that said 'hey, look I'm a jinchuuriki'. But he was still so young now he wouldn't have to worry about that for a while.

He showered until long after the water turned cold since water quieted the sand beast. And for the first time today he was able to think his own thoughts without interruption.

And the first place his mind went made him regret ever wanting to be able to think his own thoughts because all he could see was his uncle's disappointed face.

Tears welled in his eyes as he thought about how rotten his luck was, something he tried not to do very often but the near full, or full moon tended to make him do sometimes.

'I'm sorry uncle Gaara, so sorry…' his mind cried.

He wished he could tell his uncle everything without worrying. He rarely slept, but when he did the one dream he had over and over again was of his uncle holding him and telling him it would be alright. He wanted to ride on his uncle's sand again. He wanted to play mindless old board games with him like when he was little, without the fear of the beast within him.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, he washed off his face and turned off the water. Only, instead of getting out of the shower he sat down, and curled in on himself. He hadn't done this since just before becoming a ninja, but he use to do it often when his parents were gone on missions and he was alone. He'd just curl in on himself after a shower and let himself feel empty for an hour or two before 'bed' (or, as he called it, lying in the dark, fully awake, while the monster that ruined his happiness had a party in his head).

No thoughts drifted through his mind and his physical body felt numb. He was still wet enough the beast was quiet. He closed his eyes for a moment so all he could see was the pink of the back of his eyelids. And then…

Darkness...

* * *

 **Finally, I'm getting somewhere. I've been saying this for a while, but the fluffy moments between Shikadai and Gaara are getting close. This is where the main story pick up, there will be a lot less thinking and more doing and talking from now on. (Though there still will be _some_ thinking, I mean Shikadai is a Nara after all.)**

 **Little things have been explained so lets get this show on the road!**

 **Let me know what you think so far and as always, thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

His back hurt and he was cold. These were the first two things he registered upon waking up before he realized he had _woken up_. He had actually slept, and given the lack of sand on his body his beast had stayed inside him.

Surprised, and a bit pleased he actually was able to sleep so close to a full moon without any problems, he let himself lay where he was a moment longer.

Then his brain kicked in and he started to think… Again. And his first question was, 'Where the hell am I laying?'

 _Damn it…_

In his little pity party he had fallen asleep on the shower floor.

'Well, at least this explains why I'm so sore and cold… and still a bit damp. And the dampness explains why that damn raccoon hasn't bugged me yet.'

Sighing, he stood and stretched in an attempt to work out the cramps he had from laying on the ground so long.

'Wait, how long did I sleep?'

Grabbing a towel to wipe off the little bit of water still on him (stupid leaky showerhead), he made his way out of the bathroom and into his bedroom so he could look at the clock, as well as actually get dressed.

'At maximum, I slept for five hours. Must be a record for a one-tails jinchuuriki.' he thought bitterly as he dug through his dresser for some clean clothes.

A knock at the door startled him.

"Shikadai are you awake?" His uncle called from the other side of the door.

Shikadai frowned before he remembered he told his uncle he was going to 'turn in early' which tended to turn into 'disappear into my room for an hour or two before wandering around the tower most the night'. No one ever said anything, but he knew at least his uncle knew he didn't sleep much. He had been in his room for about five hours now, and with the way he left his uncle before he shouldn't be surprised the man might be worried or upset.

"Yeah, I'm awake." He shouted back so he could be heard through the door as he pulled his pants on.

His uncle entered and stood in the doorway a moment.

"Are you alright?" The redhead asked.

"Yes, why?"

"You just seemed upset earlier. I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I'm fine. Thanks… And I'm sorry for being rude. I really was just tired."

"It's fine."

Turning to close the dresser, he heard his uncle gasp.

"What happened to your head?"

Reaching up, he could feel a bump where he must have hit his head.

'Probably when I fell asleep in the shower. Must have slumped back and hit my head on the wall.' Shikadai mused.

"I hit my head in the shower, that's all. It's doesn't even hurt." He told his uncle, who seemed to relax.

"Oh, alright. If that's all it is then I guess I shouldn't worry."

Shikadai smiles a little.

"Yeah."

He missed just being able to talk with his uncle. The man really did care for him.

And then the beast decided right then was a good time to throw a tantrum.

"Well, uh, if that's all… I think I might try to lay down for another hour or two." He says in an attempt to get his uncle out of the room.

Gaara smiles awkwardly and nods.

"Of course."

And then he's gone, and the beast quiets down.

And Shikadai finds himself crying all over again because he just ruined another moment with his favorite family member.

He just wished he could go back to Konoha, so he didn't have to disappoint his uncle anymore and he could love the man from a distance...

* * *

 **Yeah, another chapter! Thanks for reading, hope you liked it!**


	7. Chapter 7

The air in the conference room was suffocating to him as he sat there. It was a basic meeting with the council members going over things like minor taxes and overcrowding in the smaller civilian jails. He was required to attend and observe silently how these things were conducted so he could one day lead these meetings.

There was no air conditioning, those native to Suna weren't bothered by the little bit of extra heat, and the open window was letting in the dusty air from outside. Then there was the fact he had to sit right next to his uncle for an hour and a half and there was a full moon tonight.

 _Suffocating._

The beast stirred inside him and whispered constantly. It really wanted to kill the old bats sitting around the table, it wanted to speak with it's previous jinchuuriki that was _right next to him,_ and it just wanted out… Among other vile things.

The seal glowed, he could feel it burn his skin under his shirt as it worked to contain the restless monster inside him. He was extremely glad he was the only one in the room that could see the light it gave off at that moment.

Glancing at the clock he saw he still had another forty five minutes left of this torture.

 _ **Hell.**_ The beast supplied oh so helpfully.

Suddenly the beast sent a surge of its chakra, chakra only he could feel, through his body and up to his head where it burst painfully adding to his already growing headache. He grit his teeth to keep from crying out, it felt like his head might explode.

The beast was seriously giving it's all to get out today.

A second surge had him biting his tongue hard enough to draw blood.

The third brought tears to his eyes that he had to blink away quickly, but he never made a sound.

He couldn't no matter how bad it hurt because making a sound would bring attention to him, and attention could get him caught.

The beast continued with its assault, desperate to be free. It sent surge after surge of its vile chakra, attacking his head, his heart, his lungs, the seal, until…

He stood and ran, he wasn't thinking clear, his only thought was suddenly to get away. He didn't care if it brought him attention, if questioned he would say he needed the toilet and it couldn't wait, but for now he needed to be _away._

Away from that room at the old bats.

Away from his uncle.

Away from… Just away…

He ran until he was out of the Kage tower, then kept running until he noticed the sky turn dark and the full moon loomed above him. It's glow practically burning his skin.

 _Crap._

This is exactly what the monster wanted. It filled his head so full of chakra he wasn't thinking straight and now he was outside in Suna, during a full moon.

'Alright, breath. Just go back, lock yourself in your room under a cold shower. It'll be alright. Just endure the pain like always and hope you don't run into people. The seal is strong, it'll hold. Just move, go now.' He thought, only… He had no clue where he was.

He only ever stayed in the Kage tower or went to training grounds when he was in Suna. When he was given tours he never payed attention because he was too busy dealing with his chatty ass beast.

 _No, no, no…_

This wasn't happening.

"Hey, isn't that the Kazekage's successor?" He heard someone say behind him.

"I think it is."

"Bet we could get some money out of him."

"Or at least get rid of the taxes on everything."

There was a group around him now, his panic was growing against his wishes.

 _It's going to get out, this is it, and after all my hard work…_

He felt a strong hand grab his arm, saw these people move in on him, heard the sand shift, smelt the blood, then… he could taste the fear.

His fear, theirs, he wasn't sure.

All he knew was a sudden loss of control, fear, and blood.

The moon edged the beast on and suddenly…

He was asleep...

* * *

 **Alright, finally, things have officially picked up!**

 **Thanks for reading! Hope you continue reading future chapters, and let me know what you think!**


	8. Chapter 8

That had been a nightmare he had nearly every time he slept. It always started with him around his uncle or some other family member, the beast attacking him on the inside so he would panic, then he would run off and find it was a full moon. It always ended with him killing people as he partly transformed into the monster, before regaining control and going home as if nothing had happened only for his family to verbally abuse him, angry at what he had become.

And it was no different this time when he woke up in his bed, hair damp with sweat, his breath fast as he tried to calm down.

It was a nightmare, nothing more. No one was dead, and the beast never got control of him. He was safe, the seal was holding, his family still loved him.

The full moon wasn't until tonight, it would be alright. He would lock himself in his room and say he was sick so no one would bother him. If no one bothered him, the beast wouldn't attack him like in his dream, and he wouldn't risk it getting out.

He wouldn't kill anyone, neither would the beast.

Getting out of the bed he now remembered laying down on to do some light reading a few hours ago, he makes his way into the bathroom for a shower. A very, very cold shower.

Then he puked.

This just wasn't fair.

The lack of sleep, and nightmares when he did rest.

The secrets.

It was destroying him. This thing was going to kill him.

He had hidden this thing for eight years and done just fine. But he had been strong too long, and it was starting to show.

He cried more in this past month than he ad in the past two years, he puked after nearly every nightmare.

How much more could he endure?

He was a ninja sure, but every ninja has limits. And he had passed his a long time ago.

Tonight would be the deciding factor, it was decided by his weakened mind. He would last through tonight and in the morning, reevaluate. And if he didn't think he could do it on his own anymore, he would tell his uncle everything.

No more secrets, if his uncle hated him then… He would be devastated, but he would have one less burden on his shoulders. And even if his uncle stopped viewing him as a nephew he would at least know and could help. There was no way his uncle could not help him, at least a little, no matter how much he hated him after finding out.

And if his uncle wouldn't help, he would tell the Hokage, because Naruto would help him. Naruto was still a jinchuuriki himself and was to nice to hate anyone anyway.

But he couldn't handle this alone anymore. The beast was getting too rough on his body and mind for him to handle.

Flushing the toilet he started the shower and stumbled under the freezing spray. Snapping his hair tie he let his hair fall around his shoulders and absorb the water falling on him.

It was a softer look, his hair wasn't pulling at his head anymore, and the water let him think clearly.

This secret was his. And it was a secret.

No one would know.

Ever…

* * *

 **So he's breaking down, and Shukaku is beginning to get to him. But he's so stubborn he still goes back to the whole 'I'm not telling anyone because they'll hate me' thing.**

 **At this point Shikadai is about thirteen incase anyone wanted to know.**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!**


	9. Chapter 9

Since the end of the fourth ninja war the internet had really taken off, and Shikadai often found himself scrolling through YouTube for a video to watch, especially after one of his 'episodes' as he tended to refer to them.

As he got older he found himself having these episodes of internal debate more and more often, mostly after the ever present nightmares that occurred every time he fell asleep. Coming up with a million and one reasons of why he should tell his Uncle and convincing himself it would be alright, only to remind himself of the reasons he kept this thing a secret, reminding himself of all the what if's, and backing out. He wasn't sure why he did this, maybe it was the stress of being a ninja now or from the possibility of becoming Kazekage one day, but he kept debating with himself and making himself sick over the issue.

And so he turned to the internet and stupid videos that were popular for reasons he didn't understand.

And because a maid had caught him puking earlier and told his uncle, he had the whole day to flip through videos as all his classes were canceled.

 _ **Second video from the top…**_ The monster whispers as he runs through the list of popular videos on his laptop.

He almost ignores the beast. Why should he give into it's wishes? But then he sees the title.

His heart rate goes up as he clicks the link, praying this isn't what he thinks it is.

 _Please no…_

The monster laughs inside him as it watches through his fear filled eyes.

It wasn't just a nightmare this time…

Tears stream down his face as he watch's his double on the screen, in a low quality video, rampage and injure five grown men. Sand tossed everywhere, burying one of them, and his face is half transformed with the monsters arm covering his own, drool pouring from the untransformed side of his face.

Somewhere in his mind he knows it's to low quality for anyone except himself to know that it's him in the video, but that's a very small part of him right now.

 _Did I kill them?_

 _Oh, please no…_

 _ **Yes…**_ The monster cheers as he cries.

As all what if's are squashed in his mind, he unplugs his laptop and darts off the bed and out of his room. He runs blindly through the halls until he finds his uncle talking with some old man he doesn't recognize.

"Uncle Gaara…" He cries.

The redheaded man turns, surprised as his nephew speeds up to him, and excuses himself to the old man to take care of his sobbing nephew.

"Uncle Gaara, it's bad… Really, really bad… I need your help…" Shikadai sobs, holding up the laptop, the video already reset to the beginning.

Frowning, Gaara takes the computer, turns on the sound that Shikadai hadn't bothered with before, and hits play.

Upon hearing the screams of them men and the crunching of bone for the first time since that night he had thought was just a bad dream until now, Shikadai throws himself on his beyond shocked uncle and begs forgiveness.

"I'm sorry! So, so sorry I never told you! And… Oh god… What if I killed those men! Please don't hate me uncle Gaara! Please! I'm sorry!" He rambles.

As the video ends, Gaara shuts the laptop and looks at his nephew. Needing specific answers, kneeling down he asks, "Why would I hate you? What was that?"

Shikadai looks through blurry eyes into his beloved uncles.

"I… I'm a Jinchuuriki. Like you were… To the one-tails. And nobody else knows… And I didn't see the person take that video 'cause I passed out when the monster took control of me… And… And… I didn't tell anyone 'cause I didn't want anyone to hate me for it… But it hurts right here!" Shikadai clutches the area above his heart. "And it has for so long keeping this secret! But what if I hurt those men…. And… Please don't hate me uncle Gaara! Please don't! I'm so sor-"

He's cut off by Gaara pulling him into a hug.

"I could never hate you, and I don't want you apologizing to me for being afraid ever again because there is nothing to apologize for. I understand. And I love you no matter what, got it? Even if the whole world is against you, I love you. I could never ever hate you Shikadai, especially not for being Jinchuuriki or keeping it a secret."

When Gaara feels Shikadai calm down a little, he pulls away from the hug to look his nephew in the eyes.

"I'm going to walk you back to your room, alright? Then I'll take care of this," He motions to the computer in his hand, "And after that I'll come back to your room and you can tell me everything, or nothing. However much you want to share is up to you, but I'll help you every step of the way."

Shikadai hiccups and nods. But when his uncle stands up, he hold out his arms shyly in a sort of 'carry me' way.

Gaara smiles and picks the boy up letting the child, because he was still just a child even if he was a ninja now, rest his head on his uncles shoulder as Gaara carried him back to his room.

* * *

 **Finally, I got this up! Shikadai tells Gaara what he is! Now comes much fluffiness!**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!**


	10. Chapter 10

He was crying again. Not because he was upset or scared, but because he was happy his uncle still loved him even after finding out he was jinchuuriki. He was thrilled his uncle loved him even not knowing all the facts, and that he wasn't going to demand all the facts if Shikadai didn't want to tell him.

It had been a little over an hour since his uncle left him to take care of the mess this video would cause. He was still a little scared of how the situation would turn out, but he trusted his uncle and Gaara had promised him he would fix this.

He knew, somewhere deep down, that he wasn't okay, and he hadn't been for a long time despite what he told himself every day. He always reminded himself he was alright, he was a Nara and could think his way out of anything, and he was the nephew of the Kazekage which meant he was powerful enough to keep the beast at bay without anyones help. He always fought with himself over whether or not to tell at least his family about what he was, that was a battle he fought with himself even before telling himself he was alright alone. And it was only now, after his uncle found out, that he realized how much the beast really affected him despite all he did to keep it at bay. He was never really fighting with himself, the monster would say something to mess with his head and start an internal war within him in an attempt to escape. He got such little sleep he didn't have the energy to truly analyze what was going on, thus the beast got away with secretly tormenting him like this for years. He was going insane for the monster's own amusement.

Even if he didn't tell his uncle how he became jinchuuriki, he would at least tell the man what the beast was doing to him. Maybe his uncle had a way he could rest without the monster getting out. Or a way to just shut the thing up so it couldn't make him fight with himself anymore, that would be good to.

Six hours pass before his uncle comes back to him, he hardly notices due to his on and off crying over the fact his uncle still loved him.

"It's been dealt with. The video has been removed, and including you and I there have only been twenty-five views to it. Some of those views just being refreshes to the page from the kid who put the video up, and from the men in the video. They're all alive, badly wounded, but alive and have all been made to believe that the experience wasn't real. As far as they know it was a genjutsu. And if anyone else did see the video before it was removed, between Shukaku having warped your face and the video being poor quality to begin with it's highly unlikely they'd know it's you." Gaara explains sitting on the bed next to him.

"Thank you."

"You don't need to thank me. And if you don't want to tell me more than your the jinchuriki in that video, I understand, but I am still curious and more than willing to listen to whatever you have to say. I've had the rest of my meeting for the next day suspended so I have plenty of time for you if you want me here."

"Did you tell anyone else I'm a jinchuuriki?"

"No, however I do think you should tell your parents and Naruto. Your parents will still love you no matter what, and Naruto himself is a jinchuriki. He actually has a bit of chakra from each of the tailed beasts and his mind-scape serves as a meeting point for all of them, and he's been a bit concerned as to why Shukaku stopped checking in with him a couple years ago. He'll understand and I'm sure he'd be more than willing to help you control your abilities, he always did have better control than anyone else… Well except maybe Killer Bee who taught him how to control the beasts energy."

Shikadai bites his lip and nods.

"Alright. I'll tell them when I get back to Konoha… If any of them do react badly, can I just come back here?"

"If you want. I'll support whatever you do and I'll defend you against whoever disapproves. Though, like I said, Naruto won't react badly. And he won't have any of anyone who dares treat a jinchuuriki badly. If there's a problem, he's just as if not more willing than me to handle it when it comes to jinchuuriki matters."

"Will you help me tell him? Naruto I mean? I think I can handle my parents myself."

"If you want. I can set up a video chat room and you and I can tell him… Though since your father is Naruto's advisor he'd hear it was well. So I guess you could think of it as killing two birds with one stone, then you'd just have to tell your mother."

"That sounds like the best plan. If I tell at least dad and Naruto while I'm still here and they're there then that'll give them time to calm down before I get back. Even if my parents still love me and Naruto wouldn't act bad, they'll still probably freak out a little and be upset I hid this so long."

"It'd be a little late there right now, so we'll do it in a couple hours when it's more likely their awake."

Shikadai nods.

"You had the one-tails in you at one point right?"

"I did. It was extracted from me by a terrorist organization shortly before the beginning of the fourth war. It killed me, but one of the village elders used a jutsu to bring me back to life in exchange for her own."

"It killed you?"

"Yes, a jinchuuriki who has his or her beast removed from him or her will die."

Shikadai's shock is clear on his face. He had no clue about any of this. From what he had been told when he was younger it sounded like Gaara willingly had the monster removed and was perfectly fine afterwards. Then again, most stories are made to sound nicer for kids as young as Shikadai had been at the time.

After a moment to process this new information he explains to his uncle about how the beast had been tormenting him and his lack of sleep because of it. His uncle listened and told him that they'd get him some sleeping pills for now, but he wasn't sure about the rest since he didn't have the best control over the monster himself when he had it, so it'd be best to ask Naruto for help with the beast talking to him during the day.

Shikadai then proceeds to drill his uncle with question after question about his time with the beast. Gaara answers each question the best he can, until Shikadai runs out of questions.

"I… I'm not ready to tell you how I became jinchuuriki, it's still to painful. But… I will tell you that the man who made me like this is dead. I killed him on accident while trying to strengthen the seal so the beast couldn't get out, but partly transformed instead before I could fix the mistake. As far as I know he's the only one I killed over this."

Gaara doesn't seem too shocked, and Shikadai's sure it has to do with the fact his uncle killed a ton of people as a kid and understood what the beast could do to a person.

"I'm actually a little impressed you've controlled it this much so far by yourself. For a Shukaku jinchuuriki and a ninja in general, one kill isn't that bad."

"Really?"

"Really."

Shikadai sits there for a second, before leaning over and hugging his uncle.

"I love you uncle Gaara. Thank you for just being here and for understanding."

Gaara hugs him back.

"Of course. I'm here for you no matter what."

For once the beast doesn't make a sound despite him being so close to his uncle, and in this peaceful moment, he lets himself fall asleep knowing his uncle will protect him if something bad were to happen.

* * *

 **Hey, I'm back! Been on vacation for a couple week so I couldn't update until now.**

 **I decided to make this a little fluffier with hugs and love and understanding all around. Next chapter I'll bring in Naruto and Shikamaru and have them find out about Shikadai.**

 **Thanks for reading, let me know what you thought!**


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